im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
