I'm going to jail i love you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
