I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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