I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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