my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
