The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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