Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you would pick up someone in the library
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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