this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
