chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
