She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
