This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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