Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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