You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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