it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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