I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
