i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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