my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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