i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize