I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
