your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
