having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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