I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
