are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
