I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
