Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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