I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
