My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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