He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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