My friends, they love my intelligence
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
