god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize