she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think your dad took our porno
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
