You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
