Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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