WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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