i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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