It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
