I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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