She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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