I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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