MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
