I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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