I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How does it feel to date your dad?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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