Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
