Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
