My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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