So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
