They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we're making bets on your personal life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
