I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
