I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
