But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
