batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
