So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
