ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
