Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
