I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
