Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
