We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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