he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize