Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
