girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
