My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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