remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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