i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
