I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
