so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
