i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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