Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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