Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
