If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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