Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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