HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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