It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize