____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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