Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
