So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
PANTIES FOUND
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