There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
