Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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