Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
