His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
