So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have aggressive nipples.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
