is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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