We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
