Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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