That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
